Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
