My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
