Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
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Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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