i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
