true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
