one two three fourrrrnication!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
