Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
