Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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