I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
