It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
