Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
