I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
