Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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