Im at strip club and am horny
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
