all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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