i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
