my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize