Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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