I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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