I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
