It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
