Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
