If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I skipped work to stalk him.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
