gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
