I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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