Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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