Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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