I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
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i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
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Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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