I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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