Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize