My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
