This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
