Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
