The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
