He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
