Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
