She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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