Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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