so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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