im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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