I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
