I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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