I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
