He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
