i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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