so that wasnt chicken after all
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
