Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
