whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
