the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
