If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
