You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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