I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
