So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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