I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
