i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
