Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
