South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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