I am puke
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
