life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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