She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
this will be a night to untag.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
