About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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