what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Banned from zoo.
Again?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
