As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
