i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
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I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
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Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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