well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
