Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
