What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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