I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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