I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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