My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
