she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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