SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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