Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So squirting runs in the family.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
