I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
